Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
