its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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