you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
