You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
