i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
