What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my being single is dangerous.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
