yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
