You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
