3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Porn is love you can see.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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