Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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