I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
