The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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