Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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