Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just had sex on a roof
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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