She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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