they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
