dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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