every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it glows. i had to have it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
