i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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