I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize