I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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