wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
