sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
