I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
