babies were throwing up all over the place
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I touched a dick in church today
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Please don't give away my fajitas
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
