woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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