i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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