I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
