I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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