the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
