My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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