you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
