Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
