Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize