He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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