Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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