Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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