i just wanna soil my oats bro
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
