Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
