You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
