i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love having hate sex.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
