Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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