I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
