Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
