I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
