can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
