I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
