Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
