I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
