6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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