You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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