wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
