Having a random hookup so left but love u
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
