how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
