I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize