Christians are straight up FREAKS
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
