yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
