no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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