Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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