Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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