There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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