I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
