Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
smell my finger.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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