just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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