It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I touched a dick in church today
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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