I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize