the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
