Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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