he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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