You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
